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GET WOOD

Sex Positive Comedian Jess Wood tells stories, does characters and interviews guests in an NSFW setting Submit stories-jessisratchet@gmail.com

Pirate’s Pleasure Chest

Jess is back and fiesty as ever! Talking adventures in anal! Howling at the Moon! Primal Trauma!

Mountain men! Pirates! Weddings! Oh My!

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Casket Kegger

Jess is back this week and has special guest Juliet with her! Join them as they discuss Prank Texts! Sparrow & Laundro! Funeral Door Charges! and More!!

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Penis Pied Piper

This week Jess brings you a mouse update, more memorials, her newest and strongest teammember and much much more hilarity!!

Want Jess to talk about something?

Send your stories: jessisratchet@gmail.com

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Smiling Vaginas

This week on the funny-as-hell Get Wood, Jess' guest is the hilarious Nadya Ginsburg. 

Jess opens the show with stories about her mama cutting her ex, agents getting a bong and being sent home from school for dressing like an 11 year old hooker. Andy opens up (literally) about hemorrhoids, being a half-jew and tells us her masturbation poem that she wrote when she was a child.
Funny! Informative! A great time! Listen. Laugh. Share.
Want Jess to talk about something?
email stories   jessisratchet@gmail.com

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Woo Dumps Tang

This week on everybody's favorite #NSFW show, Jess and Josh discuss Jealous Boyfriends, NPR nervous about Jess, Match.com Gone Bad, McDonalds beating, and much much more!!

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/news/local/police-women-rob-man-after-matchcom-setup/nkKdY/

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/news/crime-law/police-man-denied-sex-for-mcdonalds-meal-beats-wom/nkT4k/

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2997620/French-pensioner-arrested-trying-smuggle-young-Russian-bride-home-suitcase-learning-free-travel-EU.html?ito=social-facebook

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/travel_news/article-2998534/She-shouldn-t-without-chaperone-Desperate-man-launches-crowd-funding-campaign-flights-follow-girlfriend-spring-break-trip-Miami.html?ito=social-facebook

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2997888/Charlotte-man-stood-naked-door-ten-years-police-t-it.html?ito=social-facebook

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/peoplesdaily/article-3000649/Leap-faith-Chinese-man-faced-dilemma-girlfriend-ex-jump-river-row-demand-saved-did-choose.html?ito=social-facebook

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Tasty Panties

This week on your favorite #NSFW show Jess and Josh talk Abortion Dates, Male Virgins, Blizzard Hook Ups and much more!

http://gawker.com/alabama-politician-threatens-to-out-colleagues-who-are-1681947471?utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_facebook&utm_source=gawker_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

http://www.addictinginfo.org/2015/01/24/moms-in-disguise/

http://newsfeed.gawker.com/ready-for-your-abortion-date-man-hits-pregnant-girl-1682315604?rev=1422469731167&utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_facebook&utm_source=gawker_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2930226/Father-three-botched-penis-enlargement-operation-reduced-size-two-inches-guilty-stabbing-prostitute-death-Stanley-knife.html?ito=social-facebook

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2926569/23-year-old-flees-Australia-one-night-stand-bombards-thousands-texts-torches-house.html?ito=social-facebook

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2929827/Athletic-toned-dark-haired-Romanian-tries-sell-virginity-700-transport-not-included-doesn-t-single-offer.html?ito=social-facebook

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/26/fbi-arrests-russian-spy_n_6548932.html

http://pix11.com/2015/01/26/craigslist-flooded-with-ads-of-nyers-looking-for-blizzard-boyfriend-or-girlfriend/

http://www.wtsp.com/story/news/weird/2015/01/26/three-breasted-woman-dui-arrest/22343461/

Texas school shitter
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quo5tSEwmiA

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Dildo Smoke

Posted in , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , sex, advice, men, florida, masturbation, poop, senior care, lol, pick up lines, strippers, fights, haunted, vagina, strength, tweets, food, penis, undies, gun, twins, teen, texting, road head, naked, porn, testicles, playboy, tranny, titty, semen, ratchet, trucks, lick, pussy, russians, surftboard, sperm, ovulation, daughter, sex dolls, crystal methaney, cops, women, Mcdonalds, marijuana, threesome, tattoos, robbery, plastic, strips, me-maw, pop-pop, shooting, guns, theif, hooker, sex slaves, male escorts, south bronx, principal, side pieces, sheriff, police, speeding, stabbing, RTD, Mexico by thejesswood on January 8th, 2015

Happy New Year from your favorite #NSFW show!! Jess and Josh start things off with a bang talking Condoms for Christmas, Mee-Maws with Dildos, Bus stabbings, Oh, Florida! And much mothafuckin more....

http://jezebel.com/man-sets-house-on-fire-while-trying-to-boil-his-dildos-1677753877

http://gawker.com/guy-trashes-spiritual-girlfriends-car-after-granny-di-1677076809

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2893526/Bungling-couple-high-meth-called-911-trapped-janitors-closet-two-days-police-arrive-simply-open-unlocked-door.html

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/md-woman-teen-lovers-beat-ex-boyfriend-police-article-1.2058895

http://news.yahoo.com/woman-naked-stuck-in-fireplace-chimney-photos-162707091.html;_ylt=A0LEV7vSpK1Uy2AArRwPxQt.;_ylu=X3oDMTByMG04Z2o2BHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDMQRjb2xvA2JmMQR2dGlkAw

http://gawker.com/bus-passenger-stabs-man-on-christmas-eve-for-sitting-to-1675554314

http://www.cnn.com/2014/12/26/showbiz/dustin-diamond-arrest/index.html

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Straight Pubes

This week on the world's favorite #NSFW show, Jess and Josh discuss Sit-On-Face-Ins, Good Sons, Fast 11 year olds and of course Sex Acts to make ya blush, personal stories and Oh, Florida!

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/sex-workers-stage-face-sitting-protest-article-1.2044092

http://www.fox17.com/news/features/around-the-web/stories/11yearold-arkansas-girl-steals-10k-in-cash-hitches-ride-to-florida-wztv.shtml#.VJLqBSfUKxF

http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/232656/woman-catches-twin-sister-and-husband-fcking-in-car-leaves-them-naked-in-parking-lot/

http://gawker.com/good-son-obeys-moms-no-porn-in-the-house-rule-jerks-of-1670248675

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The Creamer Sisters

This week on the world's favorite #NSFW show Jess and Josh Ass Measurements, Cock Art, Oh, Florida! and much much more!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2862235/Watch-Kim-Kardashian-Peroxide-blonde-Romania-bigger-bottom-set-stardom.html

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/breaking-news/os-sex-predator-lottery-winner-millions-20141210-story.html

http://jezebel.com/texas-man-searching-for-homeless-girl-roomie-for-baths-1668446748

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2866125/Twin-punches-sister-floor-kicks-pulls-hair-fight-boyfriend-sex-toy.html

http://gawker.com/dumb-cock-performance-artist-get-arrested-for-pulling-o-1668732585

Richard Pryor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2JS0PSmZqw

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Sword Holder

This week on everybody's favorite #NSFW show, Jess and Josh talk Preachers vs. Pimps, Jess' Acid X-Mas, Hot Cops, and much more! From Pussy-juice cocktails to Protesting Safely...that's what The Ratchet Hatchet is all about.

https://udumakalu.wordpress.com/2014/11/19/to-get-husbands-pastor-undresses-and-kisses-female-church-members-asses-at-beach/

http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/women-cops-face-discipline-uniform-pics-sexy-site-article-1.2029097

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/doctor-suspended-having-sex-patient-4690390

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/story/news/crime-and-courts/2014/12/03/mcchicken-used-weapon/19823923/

http://www.theverge.com/2014/12/5/7343421/protesters-took-over-apples-iconic-new-york-store-tonight-to-send-a

http://www.copblock.org/tag/kenny-suitter/

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